Today, while at your house on our weekly Tuesday visit, I walked over to your bedside table to look at your belongings that are left there. Two of the items are the combs you used to use. I picked up one that was halfway under your glasses case and sniffed it. I didn't expect anything but I was hoping there would be a hint of you left. To my surprise it was still there. Your scent. The smell that is specifically you and no one else. It's not the smell of your shampoo or your Old Spice, it's just...you. And I love it. And I miss it. Terribly. Emotions flooded over me as I remembered you and I couldn't have stopped the tears if I wanted to. I know that your scent will soon fade away and I am so, so sad about that. It's just one more part of you that I no longer get to have.
I do know that being in heaven with God is so much better than being here on earth but it's hard not to wish that you were still here. Still living a full life with family who loves you more than anything. Still teaching your grandson how to build things. Still anxiously awaiting the arrival of your 2nd grandbaby. What I would give to have you still here with us.
As a mommy, one of the hardest things is seeing my son without his Grandpa. Almost daily JJ will randomly talk about you and say that he misses you. Once, in Target, he lifted his eyes upwards and with all sincerity he prayed, "God, please let my Grandpa come back here to earth with us". Oh how sad for this Mommy's heart. I wish I could answer his prayer but I cannot. I can only be here for him and explain to him the hope we have of seeing you again one day. How thankful I am for that hope! I can't imagine going through this without it.
I miss you, Daddy. Oh, how deeply I miss you. So many things bring you to mind and I am constantly reminded that you are not here with us. Many days I have a literal physical ache in my heart that lets me know just how much I still need you. You are my Daddy and I know that no matter how old I get I will forever need you.
You were there when I took my first breath and what a privilege it was for me to hold your hand and be there with you as you took your last. I love you more!
Forever your little girl,