Wednesday, July 24, 2013

8 Months Old

My sweet jumping Jack,
Today you are 8 months old but I'm not sure how that's possible since you were just born a few weeks ago. Goodness how quickly you've grown! How sad and exciting it is.

This past month you crawled for the first time and started pulling yourself up on anything and everything. You've become very adventurous in your crawling and have explored many different areas of the house. You especially love your big brothers bedroom. So many fun things to get into!
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Your 2 bottom teeth came in about a month ago and 1 top tooth came in just recently. We're beginning to see 3 more top teeth coming in and 1 on the bottom left. Pretty soon you'll have a mouth full! You're such a good teether. You never drool and don't fuss much.
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We are still nursing every 2-3 hours. You're not interested in food. You'll eat puffs and that's about it; although, you did eat a few bites of salmon patty and zucchini at Grandma's house last night. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you'll start eating soon!

I think we're almost done with spitting up!! I am so incredibly excited about this! Basically from day one you've spit up constantly. It's usually so much that I wonder how on earth you're gaining any weight. The last couple weeks have slowed way down as far as spitting up is concerned. It still happens but not nearly as much!

You still sleep next to me at night but I think we're going to have to put you in your crib soon. :(. For all our sanity. I don't sleep much because you like to nurse allll night long so I think it's time to make the transition. Nap time is spent holding you in the rocking chair. Putting you down isn't even an option. You pop your eyes open as soon as I move and you refuse to go back to sleep until I sit down and nurse you.
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I haven't weighed you in a while but you're in a size 4 diaper and are wearing mostly 9 month clothes and a few 12 months. I would guess you're 20 lbs. or so. What a big boy you are! I love my chunky monkey.
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You have become a happier baby. I love your toothy little grin. It melts my heart! Outings are so much easier now. You will sit in the cart like a big boy and just watch as momma shops. You've also learned to tolerate the car seat - thank goodness!
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I adore watching you and your big brother together. He is such a big help to me. It makes me wonder how I did it without an older sibling to help when he was a baby. He loves you so much and loves to hug and kiss on you constantly. Just the other day he said, "Momma, even though my brother fusses and cries I'm still glad I have a brother!". Me too, JJ, me too.
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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

A Year Without My Dad

It's so hard to even know where to start. So many feelings and emotions have been running through me the last few days.  The same ones that I've felt for a year now.  They're just a bit stronger and it's because the day I've been dreading is here.  The 1 year anniversary of my Daddy going to heaven.  One year.  I know I've said it a dozen times but it doesn't seem possible.  I can't grasp the idea that he's actually gone let alone that he's been gone a year.  I remember thinking last year at this time that 1 year was so far away and I couldn't even think about life without my Dad for a year.  And now, I'm living it.  It's my new normal, sadly.  I believe the thing that keeps me sane is knowing that I'll see my Daddy again some day.  Without that I can't even imagine where I'd be.  Such a hopeless, depressing state that would be.
The sadness and grief is still very real to me and I miss him more now than ever.  It's an ache that comes from deep inside and is one that cannot be "fixed".  It leaves a gaping, empty hole inside.  Unless you've felt it, you have no idea.  I had no idea until a year ago.  I've learned to live with my new normal and it's actually pretty close to what life was like before losing my Dad but now there's the hole.  And the days where it punches you in the stomach and you're right back to the unbearable grief that leaves you crumpled on the floor, wishing for just a little more time with him.  I'm guessing that I will live with that for the rest of my life and in a way I'm glad.  I don't like feeling sad and being overwhelmed with grief but I never want it to go away because it shows that I haven't forgotten.  I pray I never forget.
One year ago from this very moment I was watching my Daddy take his last breaths.  I'm so thankful that I was there with him when he went home to Jesus.  I will never forget those last precious moments I had with him. 
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