Not There Yet

It's early Christmas Eve morning and I find myself still very much missing my Daddy and still dreading the holidays. I look forward to the happiness in JJ's voice, the sparkle in his eyes and the wonder and excitement the days bring for him.  And I look forward to the memories we are creating.  But underneath it all my heart is sad.  The delicious food is the same, the carols are the same, the beautiful decorations and twinkly lights are the same but in the end, nothing is the same.  I so want to be fully excited about Christmas again.  I know that's what my Daddy would want.  It was his favorite time of year and I know he would want me to love Christmas the way I used to.  I've seen a glimmer of it this year but I'm not quite there.  Not yet.

This was our last Christmas with Dad.  We had no idea how our world was about to fall apart.  Oh, how deeply I miss him.