Monday, August 27, 2012

27 Weeks



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Baby's size? Baby is the size of a head of cauliflower, measures 14 1/2 inches head to toe and weighs 2-2 1/2 pounds.

Weight Gain? I don't weigh myself between appointments but I'm sure I've gained since my last appointment so it's at least 5+.

Maternity clothes? I've been able to wear a mix of both maternity and regular clothes.

Stretch marks? Not yet.  Hallelujah!

Belly Button in or out? Still in.  Almost poked out all the way.

Sleeping?  Even though I've got myself surrounded with pillows sleeping has not been easy.  I just can't get comfortable and find myself tossing and turning from side to side all night long.  I wake up every morning with hip and lower back pain. 

Foods I am loving? Still sweets.  And the desire to bake has come back pretty strong.  Unfortunately, hubby has started training for a marathon so I can't fill the house with baked goods like I'd like to.  :(  Still find myself craving chicken nuggets fairly frequently. 

Foods I'm hating? Same old, same old.  Chicken Express.  Can you say greasy? 

Movement? I feel movement daily and can see my stomach move and roll now.  He's a very active little guy.

Best moment this week? Made a little more progress on the nursery.  Also, Jorge and JJ were both able to feel the baby move this week.  Always so fun!

Symptoms? Big belly, constantly hungry, breathless, and hip and lower back pain.

Gender? Boy! 

What I miss? My Daddy. Every day.  Oh.  And sleep.

What I'm looking forward to? Figuring out what this baby's name is going to be, finishing the nursery, and buying all other necessary items.  It's so fun shopping online for this little one!

Milestones?  I'm in the 3rd trimester!

Emotions? The joy of pregnancy has been overshadowed by my grief of losing Dad but I am getting there.

School Begins

Today my baby boy started Preschool. How can that be?  Just yesterday we brought our tiny boy home from the hospital and started adjusting to our new life as a family of 3. 
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And now, we've sent him off to school.  The first day of many school days. He's in the Pre-K program so he'll be at school on Mondays and Wednesdays from 9:30 to 2:30 and Fridays from 9:30 to 12:00.  So it's an easy start to his school career.  I can't even think about next year when he'll be in Kindergarten and gone 7 hours a day for 5 days.  Ack!  For now I'll enjoy having my baby boy home with me most of the week and worry about next year later!
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He seemed a little hesitant this morning and said several times that he didn't want to go to school but we reassured him that he would love it.  Turns out, we were right!  Parents do know what they're talking about sometimes, huh?

I fed him a good breakfast, packed his lunch, took a bazillion pictures, drove to the school and walked him to his class.  Such a surreal moment that was. 
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We stood outside the classroom for a few minutes waiting for the door to open.  He had been real quiet since we got there (anyone who knows him knows that this is far from normal for him) and then asked Jorge to hold him while we waited. I was beginning to worry how this was going to go.  Turns out that there was nothing to worry about.  He waltzed right in his classroom as if he had done it a hundred times.  Whew!  What a relief that there was no crying or hanging on or begging me not to go but at the same time this Mommy's heart could have used just a little bit of hesitation before leaving me.  That's okay though.  I love that he's independent and excited to do new things!
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When I picked him up at 2:30 he came running out with a huge smile on his face and as happy as can be. So JJ's first day of school went well, I'd say.  I hope his enthusiasm lasts the rest of the year.  In the meantime, I've got to find ways to keep myself busy 2 1/2 days of the week while my baby boy is growing up.
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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

26 Weeks

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Baby's size? Baby is the size of a head of lettuce, measures 14 inches head to toe and weighs around 2 pounds.

Weight Gain? I don't weigh myself between appointments so I'm going to stick with 5 pounds until my next appointment.

Maternity clothes? I've been able to wear a mix of both maternity and regular clothes.

Stretch marks? Nope!

Belly Button in or out? Still in.  Starting to poke out more though.

Sleeping? Sleeping is awful now. I just can't get comfortable and find myself tossing and turning from side to side all night long.  The lower back pain has started, too during the night. 

Foods I am loving? Still sweets.  And the desire to bake has come back pretty strong.  Unfortunately, hubby has started training for a marathon so I can't fill the house with baked goods like I'd like to.  :(

Foods I'm hating? Same old, same old.  Chicken Express.

Movement? I feel movement daily and can see my stomach move now, too.

Best moment this week? I started buying things for the nursery!

Symptoms? Belly, always hungry, breathless, and now lower back pain.

Gender? Boy!  

What I miss? My Daddy. Every day.


What I'm looking forward to? Figuring out what this baby's name is going to be and getting started on the nursery.

Milestones?

Emotions? The joy of pregnancy has been overshadowed by my grief of losing Dad but I am getting there. 

Monday, August 20, 2012

When It Hits...

...it hits hard, ya'll. And it's usually out of nowhere. The smallest things can trigger a reaction (a.k.a. breakdown).  Most of the time it's something random and out of nowhere so that you're not prepared for it.  For me, it's bittersweet.  Bitter in the fact that a raw, gripping sadness suddenly overwhelms your heart and sweet in the fact that it means I haven't forgotten and moved on.  Honestly, I never want these random breakdowns to end.  I never want to get over losing my Dad. 


Thursday, August 16, 2012

The Month Before

Looking through the pictures I took in the last month before Dad passed is...well, difficult.  And shocking.  It's still so hard to believe he went so quickly. It's unreal. Even now.

This group of pictures were taken on June 15th. Exactly one month and one day before he died. The weather was nice so we decided to sit outside awhile. I cherish these memories of JJ and his Grandpa. You would never know by looking at him in these pictures that he would be gone in a month.  Just unbelievable.
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This was on June 30th at Andrew and Hannah's reception. If it would have been a couple weeks later he may not have been able to make it. By this time he was already so weak and tired. copy 07-6
These were taken during the first week of July. Dad's cousin came and stayed for several days and his Mom and brother stayed for several weeks . We were so glad we had family there and I know Dad was too. As you can see, Dad was on oxygen by now.  Soon after this he would be on oxygen 24/7.
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This is in the waiting room of my Doctor's office on July 9th. Dad had gotten much weaker by now and had to use a wheelchair but he insisted on coming to the ultrasound. He knew it was the only time he would ever get to see this grandbaby.  The hour and a half trip left him exhausted but he wouldn't have missed it for anything.  And I am so thankful.  So very, very thankful that he came to see this little boy who would never know the greatest Grandpa he could ever have.  This day is also exactly one week before Dad died.  One week.
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This was July 12th. 4 days before. By now he was too weak to shave or do much of anything. Andrew, being the good son that he is, took over and gave Dad a good shave. As I watched this happening I knew I had to have pictures because I knew that these memories would soon be precious to us.
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Looking back on these pictures just makes it more unbelievable to me.   How can it even be possible?  How can this really be my life?  I just don't understand.

And today is exactly 1 month since he left us.  Seems like so much longer since I've seen him but yet I can't believe it's been 1 month already.  I know that all too soon it will be 1 year.  I can't even imagine.

 

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

25 Weeks

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Baby's size? Baby is the size of a cauliflower, measures 13.5 inches head to toe and weighs a pound and a half.

Weight Gain? My appointment last Tuesday informed me that I've gained 5 pounds so far.  I think I look like I've gained much more than that but I'll take it!

Maternity clothes? I wear a few maternity items but have managed to mostly wear tank tops and dresses in my regular clothing. 

Stretch marks? Not yet. I never got any when I was pregnant with JJ and I'm hoping I don't this time, either! 

Belly Button in or out? Still in.  Starting to poke out a bit though.

Sleeping? Sleeping is still fairly easy right now.  Have only had to wake up a couple nights to use the bathroom but the stuffy nose is coming back so I'm finding it hard to breathe while I sleep. 

Foods I am loving? Sweets, of course.  This past Sunday night I had a random McNuggets craving.  Go figure.  Haven't eaten those in years and don't normally like them but I NEEDED them Sunday night.  We found some at another restaurant that are the same type but I felt better about eating them.

Foods I'm hating? Chicken Express still makes my stomach nauseous.

Movement? I feel movement daily. It's so exciting!  He's quite an active little baby. 

Best moment this week? Jorge drug all of JJ's old clothes out of the attic for me to go through.  With Baby Boy #2 being born in a different season than JJ I won't be able to use all of them but there was quite a bit I was able to save.  So fun going through all of JJ's clothes and remembering when he was that little.  Made me really excited to meet this little one!

Symptoms?My belly is my main symptom. Losing my breath easily is another. Just standing sometimes makes me breathless. When I eat I fill up quickly but then get hungry quickly so I feel like I'm always looking for something to eat.

Gender? Boy!  

What I miss? My Daddy. Every day.  

What I'm looking forward to? Coming up with a name! We have decided that this baby is going to have my Dad's name somewhere in his. We just haven't figured it out exactly yet.  

Milestones? We've reached viability!  

Emotions? The joy of pregnancy has been overshadowed by my grief of losing Dad. I can't help but be incredibly sad all the time. I look forward to being happy again.
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Monday, August 6, 2012

24 Weeks

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Baby's size? Baby is the size of a cantaloupe, measures 12 inches head to toe and weighs a little over a pound.

Weight Gain? I have an appointment tomorrow so I'll guess I'll find out then.

Maternity clothes? I wear a few maternity items but have managed to mostly wear tank tops and dresses in my regular clothing. 

Stretch marks? Not yet. I never got any when I was pregnant with JJ and I'm hoping I don't this time, either! 

Belly Button in or out? Still in.  Starting to poke out a bit though.

Sleeping? Sleeping is still pretty easy right now.  Last night I got a charlie horse in my left leg a few times.  I remember getting those with JJ.  Yay.

Foods I am loving? Sweets, of course.  I haven't had any crazy cravings though.

Foods I'm hating? Chicken Express still makes my stomach nauseous.

Movement? I feel movement daily. It's so exciting!  He's quite an active little baby.  Jorge and JJ both felt the baby for the first time last week.  Such a cool thing to see JJ experience!

Best moment this week? I think I've figured out how I'm going to do the nursery.  Can't wait to get started!

Symptoms? My belly is my main symptom. Losing my breath easily is another. Just standing sometimes makes me breathless.  When I eat I fill up quickly but then get hungry quickly so I feel like I'm always looking for something to eat.

Gender? Boy!

What I miss? My Daddy.  Every day.

What I'm looking forward to? Coming up with a name! We have decided that this baby is going to have my Dad's name somewhere in his.  We just haven't figured it out exactly yet.

Milestones? We've reached viability!

Emotions? The joy of pregnancy has been overshadowed by my grief of losing Dad. I can't help but be incredibly sad all the time. I look forward to being happy again.
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Sunday, August 5, 2012

Basketball

Last fall JJ played soccer with the YMCA league. This summer he  played basketball.  Just as the 4 year old soccer was, these games are quite entertaining.  It's an hour of mass chaos and randomness but it's fun and I enjoy watching my JJ get to do something he loves.  Because we stayed with my parents for a month or so we were only able to go to 4 of the games.

I am so thankful that my Dad got to come to 2 of the games. copy copy06-16-12-FirstBballGame11
JJ spent most of his time at the games running up and down the court like a crazy person but at least he was getting some exercise! There were some times though that he actually played basketball and was focused on the game.
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Saturday, August 4, 2012

Happy Birthday, Dad

Today is my Daddy's 64th birthday and is such a bittersweet day for our family.  It's sweet because we had an amazing day together as a family.  It is bitter...well, for obvious reasons.  We first went to Ft. Sill National Cemetery where he is buried.
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Mom and I picked up some flowers to place there.  Even though we are so sad today and not feeling happy, we wanted to have some bright flowers to add some cheerfulness. 
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Mom also made cupcakes for everybody.  Dad's absolute favorite was German Chocolate Cake and it's what he had every year for his birthday. We couldn't very well bring a cake out there so Mom just made German Chocolate Cupcakes.  After choking our way through singing Happy Birthday we ate the cupcakes in honor of Dad.  SO hard to do.  It just felt so wrong.  I guess nothing about this will every feel right, though.
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We spent a few more minutes there, hating to leave but not really having a reason to stay, before heading out to Medicine Park for some lunch. Mom and Dad have been there several times and JJ and I have gone with them 2 times so we decided it was the perfect place to continue our celebration of Dad. After eating lunch we headed down to the river to feed the ducks our leftover bread.
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From there we went to the bridge to take memory pictures. Both times that JJ and I went with my parents to Medicine Park we always took a picture of Dad and JJ on the bridge.  Such precious memories but such heartache now, too.
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Here are the 2 pictures we took before:
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Walking around outside in 100+ degree weather is a great excuse to get some ice cream.  Besides, ice cream was also one of Dad's favorite things and since this day is all about Dad, we had to oblige!  ;)
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After cooling off a bit and wandering around a couple of tiny shops we got back in our cars and headed to Mt. Scott. The view is beautiful from up there and it was also another place Dad liked to go. 
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I love this photo but at the same time it breaks my heart. My Dad belongs right there next to Mom.  He just does.  It's so wrong and so painful and is a horrible reminder of what the rest of our time here on earth will look like.  
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All in all we had a good day together and it was exactly what Dad would have wanted.  He would have absolutely loved spending his birthday making great memories with his family.  But instead of being completely happy a heavy sadness overshadowed the day.  It was wonderful and fun and we really did have a great time together but there was always something missing.  I guess from now on there will always be something missing.  This is a birthday that we all will never forget.

The first time we went with Mom and Dad JJ was only 7 months old so Dad carried him basically the whole day.  After hiking for a bit we stopped to rest and I captured this precious picture of Dad holding his grandson while he sat.  Words cannot express how much I treasure and adore this photo.
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